his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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