Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
