Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
