I will die if light touches me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
