So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
