all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
