some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
