i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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