I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
