Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
