She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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