im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
