R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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