Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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