Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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