Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
