Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
