my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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