bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
