some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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