Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
