we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
