Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
