I'm jealous of your bromance
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
