im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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