I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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