Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
