you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize