Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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