so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
