You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
