This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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