Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
