I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize