My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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