Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
