Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
