any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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