Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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