he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize