dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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