I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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