If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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