Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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