i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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