We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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