i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize