so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
