if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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