Welp...herpes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
