Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
