Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
