I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
