I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
