very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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