Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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