definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
