I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
