happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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