youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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