please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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