Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
