Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
