the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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