U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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