Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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