My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I party with great urgency now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
