Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
