Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
