you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
