I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
