Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
