Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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