Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
